Let People Be Wrong About You

The fear that’s controlling you is the fear of something that’s already happening

I was chatting with one of my new Substack besties about the initial sting of losing subscribers, and how it gets easier over time. Shoutout to Lee Bergakker. He’s a football coach who writes about getting extraordinary results from ordinary inputs. You can check out his page here.

Also, since my last article, we’ve doubled and grown to 100! Welcome to everyone who’s joined us since last time. I’m thrilled that you’re here and appreciate the support : )

Anyway, I commented that I was surprised I hadn’t gotten any nasty comments yet. While I wasn’t excited about it, I felt like it was my next rite of passage. It would mean I’d been here long enough, or at least made my voice loud enough, to clear the next inevitable hurdle in the game of online business growth. Part of me wanted to go ahead and get it over with.

I felt ready for another reason, too. Getting trashed online was a big fear when I was initially deciding whether or not I wanted to do this, particularly within the current trust recession and the active downfall of internet gurus.

I firmly believe that the path to achieving our desires holds important lessons for us. But lessons don’t usually feel good, so we tend to fight and resist them, thinking something has gone wrong. While I don’t want the experience of people coming for me (I’d def prefer to skip that part), there’s something here for me to learn. The fear is showing me exactly what I need to face next.

Holding onto the fear of judgment is kryptonite to our goals. Fear is an invitation to see through the lies that hold us back.

During one morning of my earliest days here, I went down a rabbit hole of articles absolutely eviscerating the reputations of some well-known figures in the world of self-help. Entire publications devoted to “exposing the harm” these people were apparently guilty of inflicting. I’ll admit, there were valid points, and some of the people they were referencing do seem highly suspect, blatantly harmful, or at least, full of shit. In some instances, I could absolutely see where they were coming from.

But any validity I found was quickly overshadowed as I read on and saw what was actually happening. These “call-outs” weren’t isolated to a handful of people. One article led to another, person after person, take-down after take-down. It turned into what felt like a targeted attack on anyone who’s ever been, or would ever conceive of being, (gasp!), a coach.

Valid points about nefarious practices morphed into verbal gymnastics, twisting the narrative to convince the reader that essentially anyone in the self-help space was a corrupt, manipulative, egomaniacal charlatan who wanted to steal your money and actively harm you. What started as one article about one individual, snowballed into the persecution of an entire industry.

And look, I get it. I can see where there are some real problems that need to be addressed. My issue isn’t with speaking truth to power, whether that power is within my industry or not. We should call a spade a spade. My issue is when we start extrapolating and steering people toward the conclusion that they can no longer trust anyone who has anything to do with personal development.

When we start screaming, shame on every last one of you!

Regardless of my feelings about it, this is the current climate of the space I chose to be in. This is a large portion of public perception. So by extension, this will be many people’s perception of me.

I can lament the state of it, but then what? Should I spend my time monitoring the comments, clearing up every misperception? Write Notes and articles proclaiming that I am, indeed, a good person? Monitor my speech so that nothing is ever off-putting or triggering or controversial or potentially upsetting?

First, it wouldn’t be helpful. Sometimes it’s hard to hear things we don’t want to hear. I’m not doing my job if I’m out here trying to tap dance around every possible emotional landmine. Second, it wouldn’t matter if I did. People would still think whatever they want.

Which brings me to the point of this article, and how it relates to you.

I assume you subscribe to my writing because there’s something significant you want in your life. You’re either actively working toward it or seriously considering doing so. Although my example is specific to my situation, it applies to anything you’re trying to achieve.

At one time or another, you’re going to come up against this. At some point you’ll worry, “Oh no! What will so and so think?!” You’ll be tempted to hit the brakes with imagined scenarios of how they’ll perceive you. How you respond in the face of this fear will play a big part in your outcome.

There are (of course) other factors, but this is a huge one.

So let’s get it over with, shall we?

You will be judged.

You will be misunderstood.

People will draw inaccurate conclusions about you…

No matter what you say. No matter what you do.

They’re already doing it.

Every person in your orbit has their own perception of you.

Good, bad, or indifferent, they think what they think, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

The thing you fear happening is already happening.

You can hold yourself back and spend your life being a contortionist. And still be judged.

Or you can put a stake in the ground, follow your truth, and just let them be wrong about you.